My therapist recently asked me to get a book and read it for "homework". It's called the Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide. (written by Alexander L. Chapman PH.D.)
I have just begun reading this book and I love it! The first chapter is a very clear explanation about what Borderline Personality Disorder is. But I'm really drawn to Chapter 2-"Is What They Say Really True?". It has narrowed down the seven major myths that are out there in the media and even in some academic and clinical research literature. I am finding so much validation and relief reading through the myths. As I read them I realize that I have believed many of these myths about myself for so many years. There are those few in my life who have also believed these things to be true about me and my symptoms. To hear that these things I've believed about myself are myths and untruths is so amazing and validating. I want to share these things because I know that if I am experiencing this AHA! moment over this information then I know others can benefit from this info too.
Myth #1- People with BPD Are Manipulative and Attention Seeking
Myth #2- People with BPD are Violent Individuals at High Risk for Harming Others
Myth #3- BPD is a Life Sentence
Myth #4- BPD is Untreatable
Myth #5- BPD is Caused by Bad Parents
Myth #6- People with BPD Are Crazy and Irrational
Myth #7- BPD Is Found Only in Women
I just find this information astounding! With the exception of Myth #2, I have believed every one of these myths to be true for me. (I have always known that I am not a naturally violent person towards others and that while I can be extremely violent towards myself, I could never hurt anyone)
I have lived with the belief that I must be manipulative, that I'll never find any therapist or Dr. that could possibly understand the web of my mind, that I must be crazy, that I will be like this until the day I die, and that I have my parents downfalls to thank for this life sentence. I'm so glad that I get to let these ideas go!!
In the short time I've been in therapy, I realized that someone does understand the chaos in my head. They know why I have done the things I have done, why I have spent years torturing myself and they have answers. Real answers! I don't know everything yet, but when I hear my therapist talk about my thoughts, emotions, and behaviors I know that he understands. This disorder is not caused by personal weakness, manipulation, bad parenting, and there is real true hope of improvement into a fully functional life. One with meaningful relationships, (yeah, even with men...), stability, sobriety, joy and mental peace. I can learn to manage the pain of life on a healthier level. I believe it now...I really do.
I never, ever thought that I would find answers. I was in the darkness and confusion of pain for so long. I was blinded in the struggles of addiction on top of the borderline. I didn't know which end was up. Was the emotional issues caused by my addictions? Was the addiction caused by my disorder? Did I even have a disorder or was I just plain crazy? I was convinced that I was going to suffer until I died. I had resolved myself to the fact that I would probably die soon and in some way by my own hand. Either through suicide, accidental drug overdose, or a self-injury incident gone too far. For 35 years no one has had the answers for me until now.
Like I said, I have a long way to go. But I know now that there are answers out there. There is help out there and those professionals who are educated and know how to treat us. We are not mental outcasts, untreatable, violent, crazy or weak or any other of those labels that we have been told at times and have believed about ourselves. There is peace for me now in knowing and embracing the answers to those questions that used to be black holes in my soul.
I wish I could go back to the 15 or 25 or 30 year old me and tell me to hang on...answers are coming. Don't give up yet Kelly. But I cannot go back. I can however write down what I know now to be true. I want to let as many people as I can know what I learn. Grasp onto my hope in the dark moments of this disorder. Never give up...reach out to those professionals who are trained in working with borderlines. If you reach out to a therapist and they cannot or will not help then don't give up. Keep looking...and never, never give up until you do.
**I am going to begin working on putting up links to DBT therapy and therapists who work with Borderlines by state on my blog. This is going to have to be a work in progress because I want to make sure I am only putting reputable information on my blog.
Kelly
6 comments:
I have learned so much from reading this book. I am only half way through the book but it has opened up my understanding about BPD. I am so happy with what you are getting out of the book as well. Thank you so much Kelly for not only recommending the book to me but for helping me to understand everything.
It brings me great joy in my heart to see you so enthusiastic and happy!
Love you
Hi Kelly!
Myth #2 has ALWAYS bothered me! It seems like anytime we watch the show Deadly Women, the women on the show are homicidal and diagnosed BPD. It makes me so mad. I tell my husband all the time, BPD's are NOT homicidal. Some are suicidal, but not homicidal. All our destructive behavior is centered on us personally. I feel like these shows go a LONG way in perpetuating the cycle of mis-information that is out there. Instead of educating the public, it makes Borderline's look crazy. Your blog educates the public and for that I am thankful.
Thinking of you and hoping you are doing well-
Kate
I may have to read that book too... I love understanding people that I care about :)
I'm really glad you're doing this blog.
I'm almost done with it Angie if you would like to borrow it!
Kate- I also find it very upsetting the way borderline in particular is portrayed in the media. It's like they add the dangerous, violent myth in just for entertainment value. And the result is that there is an untruth belief that borderlines are in general violent, when in actuality we are not...and far from it. Also, because of the misinformation that is being portrayed, other personality disorders like antisocial and narcissistic personality gets lumped in when they are very, very different disorders.
I think the most frustrating part for me is not the general public's perception, but more the educated mental health professionals. I have experienced many times personally and have heard other accounts of borderlines reaching out to therapists who just turn a cold shoulder when they learn the diagnosis. The thought of how difficult it can be for someone to even reach out in those times of crisis to then be in sense "rejected" and turned away from a therapist just really ticks me off. I really hope the awareness within the mental health professional community grows, and more therapist and Dr.'s become willing to train appropriately and work with borderlines.
Thanks for your comment and your continuing support. I think of you often and hope that you're doing well.
Kelly
Angie- I also have a copy of it and am almost done if you would like to read it.
Thanks for being such a great friend!!
Kelly
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